emotional recovery

after professing my love to my best-guy-friend, and feeling like a complete ASS, i headed out to ATL on saturday. i got to hang out with one of my little cousins, who i haven't seen in a while. then i went to my homegirl D's b-day party.

the liquor was flowing, but since i know i can't drink, i only had one drink - rum punch from Barbados (so yummy). and hell, i've been in the caribbean for the past two years. one little bitty rum punch couldn't possibly hurt me...even though it was a little more rum than punch. yeah right, i was up puking for hours.

so i got back to smalltown about 6 pm on sunday, (as i finally stopped bleeding!) just in time to do my mommy duties and get my daughter ready for bed. after that, i called BGF to thank him for letting me slobber and cry all over his nice sweater on friday.

he said not to EVER let myself get so upset over a stupid dude (i didn't tell BGF who it was by name) again. he also said that he was so worried about me that he could hardly concentrate the rest of the day. he also said if he was ready to get married again, that i would definitely be the one - AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

i don't know if i mentioned this before, but BGF is widowed. he married his wife while they were still in high school. she passed away in a car accident and left him to raise their two kids, who are now teenagers. so it's a very sad situation, but there's nothing i can do about it.

i still love him, not only for being my best-guy-friend, but for who he is. he is the sweetest, nicest guy i know. but in fairness to myself, i can't wait around for him to be "ready". besides, i'm horny as hell....

i am so emotional (my fuckin' hormones)

i really hate having my period...and YES, it's still on. i bleed forever.

yesterday, i ran into my best guy friend. yes, the one i fucked recently with the nicely curved dick - lol!! he keeps telling me his door is still open, but i can't bring myself to do it: for one - my situation with MJ. second - i am so in love with him (meaning BGF not MJ).

i've been in love with BGF for years, i just have. but it's been a kind of a (what's that shakesperian word...) an "unrequited" love. i've just loved him from afar and never told him. we are good friends and can and do talk about anything. if BGF came at me with a ring tomorrow, i'd drop MJ and would marry him instantly. i already know that i wouldn't mind spend the rest of my life with him. yeah, THAT kind of love.

so yesterday, BGF, me and my partner in crime (cousin candy) were all talking. he was giving candy advice about her relationship. and incidentally her man and MJ are acting exactly alike...nice at first, with a little shittiness mixed in.

all the sudden, my fuckin emotions get the best of me, and i start crying. in front of my BGF.

my sweet BGF just held me and let me cry all over his sweater (and it was one of those uncontrollable, slobbery crying spells).

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

he stroked my back and my hair, and kissed my forehead and told me everything was gonna be okay, no matter what.

then i did the unthinkable:

i told him i had been in love with him for years

(no i didn't just do that!!)

(yes...i did)

SIGH!!

he told me that it made him feel special to know that someone cares about him...but he didn't really tell me that he had feelings for me in return. but it was already out, like the cat outta the bag, and i can't take it back.

him and candy were talking about what i said, but i had already gone back to crying, so i didn't hear much. but i did hear them both agree that i would be the perfect woman for him.

Candy told me later on that when i told him, he just smiled this HUGE smile.

so now, i'm headed to atlanta for the rest of the weekend. it's my homegirl D's birthday, and i definitely need to get drunk after this shit.

DAMN YOU MENSTRUAL CYCLE - CURSE YOU TO HELL!!

I'm a bitch on the rag....

i really hate having my period. always have. in seven days of bleeding i can use a whole box of 20 super plus tampons and STILL have leaks. it was supposed to be BETTER since i had my surgery. well, at least the cramps are gone. but the huge blood loss is the same. it just fuckin' sucks ASS!

plus, i get really bitchy (can't u tell??)

i swear that MJ is reading my blog...but i think that's just my own paranoia.***

anyway, i guess i was a little bitchy to MJ, but only because he deserved it. i was talking to another guy (just talking) while i was with Cousin Candy. this guy was flirting with me, but he's married - and that's where i draw the line.

when MJ came over monday nite for his "housecall", he made a comment about me talking to the married dude. i told him i was with Candy. he said he didn't see her, only me....ahhhh, i see. he was jealous but didn't want to admit it. so of course i stroked his fragile male ego, and reassured him that i only wanted to sleep with him (at least for now).

we get to sexin'...he didn't eat pussy (WTF??) and i didn't suck dick (i meant that "being on strike" shit). the rest of the sex was pretty lame at best, and that's when the bitch came out.

note to self: don't insult a black man in bed even if you are PMS'ing...they don't seem to like it - LOL!!

afterwards, he just got up and left. no goodbye, no nothing. got in his car, and rolled out. oh, hell NO!! his ass did NOT just do that shit!

he's been on silent treatment since then.

TODAY, i was in the smalltown public library with Candy on the internet. as we are sitting there, we hear a very distinctive car engine rumbling. me and Candy look at each other and start giggling because we know who's about to come walking thru the door.

sure enough, it's that fuckin' MJ.

he sits right next to me, when Candy announces she's ready to go. i don't acknowledge him until he speaks to us first ("hey ladies, how y'all doing?"). i didn't look at him, and only spoke when he spoke to me.

so me & Candy leave, and head out to the grocery store. we come back thru town less than 10 minutes later and he's gone. we laughed, because it takes about 5 mins just to boot up the library computers. he couldn't have done anything in the short amount of time he was in there. he just came in to see me - lol!!

***and yes, i checked. you can't read any blogspot blogs from the library - access is denied!!

my pussy's so good....part two

before we took our break, MJ would never perform oral sex on me. he did however make sure i always "came" first, but it was more of a manual manipulation thing. it did piss me off that once he was finished, he expected me to suck his dick.

now i love to suck a good dick, but i'll be damn if I'M going downtown and you ain't, buddy!

so we had many conversations about it, and he said he had never done it before and he just didn't know what to do. i told him i'd let him borrow one of my pornos and he'd just learn as we went along. something! shit! we all know that a tongue on genitals beats fingers any day!

when we got back together i was adamant that he was GONNA eat my pussy or i was going on dick sucking strike...OK, just the thought of striking sends chills up my arms as i type this - lol!!

last night, we had a six hour session and he finally did it! YEAH!! he was kinda shy about it at first, licking oh so cautiously while i am trying to move my pelvis to meet his tongue. a few hours later, i guess he had enough confidence to try again. THIS time, he stayed down there for about an hour! he asked me to "hold it open" and next thing i knew, my fingers were asleep!

he even took me and my daughter on a "date" last friday for dinner and a movie (chicken little - of course she chose it). we all had a nice time, and it was pretty cute to see them interacting...

so now, according to MJ, he and i are officially "together". whatever the hell that means. i finally had to ask him last night. he said it means that he is my "man" and i am his "lady" (gotta love the country vernacular). so i asked if that meant we are in a monogamous relationship...he said yeah.

so, my pussy is:

the pussy that makes a BLACK man apologize (and i ain't his wife)

the pussy that gets dates for me and my kid - lol!!

the pussy that makes a man eat it for the first time ever





so i guess that means i can't sleep around anymore (darn it!). i even told him about that, and he wasn't even mad! he said we weren't speaking at the time and were free to do whatever. Damn, my pussy's THAT good! Better watch out!!

black man minus mustache = ???

i was reading a magazine the other day on blacks in sports (management types rather than actual players), and i saw the the photo of one of my exes. as i stated in my 100 things about me (# 34), i have dated professional athletes.

however, to keep things private, i won't give away too many details...steph freaked me out when she said someone she knew found her blog (paragraph #3)! i would be mortified if someone i knew found mine. i'm on the PTA and i suck dick!! LOL! but i digress....

anyway, i met my P.A. friend when i was in college. he played for one of the "professional" teams in DC. he was a really nice guy who treated me well, but i got the impression that he was ready to get married - in a hurry. i was 18 and in my sophomore year, and that was the furthest thing from my mind. so we parted ways and lost contact. i'm sure with him being who he was, he met someone else VERY quickly. but he was a sweet guy, and all those sappy feelings of "what could have been" came rushing back.

anyway, he's doing quite well for himself in his post-professional career. he's also married with several children. i really don't remember what the article said he was doing, because i was busy looking at his photo.

he looked the same, except a few years older. then i noticed that he didn't have a mustache......

for those who don't know, the following mathematical equation is valid:

black man - mustache = gay

(translation: black man without a mustache is gay - until proven otherwise)

now, of course like most equations, there are some exceptions (i.e. variables) to the rule.

then i glanced at the picture again. not only did he NOT have a mustache, he had one of those tuft-of-hair-under-his-bottom-lip things...now called a soul patch.

i don't know of anyone, black, white, asian, or otherwise, who has soul patch without a mustache who ISN'T gay!!

so now i wonder if my way back a long time ago ex is gay? is that why he was trying to marry an 18 year old girl? someone who would accept his gayness and was young enough to not know any better? someone who didn't have anything and would latch on to him just because he was a famous athlete??

thank goodness i was so stubborn, i'm not a needy woman, and i LOVED to party! if i was in another place back then, may have been stuck with him!!