Funny (yet very gross) condom story

ok, i was reading this blog and it reminded me of my missing condom story...

i went to visit an out of town boyfriend for the weekend a few years back. we hadn't seen each other in a while, so we went out celebrating before we commenced to fucking. and there was quite a lot of alcohol. and i don't drink much...i get drunk off two drinks (very low EtOH tolerance).

so we get back to the hotel and just start going at it. he's changing condoms faster than a female changes outfits before a friday night date - lol!! since we're both very drunk, we're not really keeping up with them....hell i know i wasn't.

once sober the next day, i asked him if he was keeping up with the condoms. he assures me that each time he finished, he got up and flushed. so i left it at that, until i remembered the pack of colored condoms that i picked up in puerto rico. there was even a glow in the dark one :)~

so i asked him if he remembered flushing "the green one". he says, yeah, i think so. i ask him if he is SURE. he says again that he thinks he did.

so i made him stick his fingers up there - just to check. he didn't feel anything.

the weekend goes by with more fucking (except no more alcohol for me) and i do condom checks each time he gets up. but i keep thinking about the green one.....

i get home, and hmmmmm, my snatch is starting to feel a little itchy....must have gotten a yeast infection, so i immediately run for the monastat (yes i keep it on hand) and begin dosing myself.

three days later, the itching is literally starting to KILL me. the smell of my own pussy was making me GAG!! i was like what the FUCK is wrong with my shit?!?! i called the doctors office at 8:00 am almost in tears and got an appointment for 9:30 am the same day....see they really CAN work your ass into the schedule - if they really want to.

as i begin my morning piss, guess what comes out?

THAT NASTY, SEVEN DAY OLD, GREEN CONDOM - COVERED WITH MY OWN MARINATED JUICES AND FOUR DAYS WORTH OF MONASTAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the smell was sooo nasty that if i had eaten breakfast first, i would have puked all that shit right up.

when i got to the doctors office, i warned her about what she was gonna smell and why. she laughed...then she told me HER story:

she also unknowingly had a condom stuck in her, and her boyfriend just kept pushing it further and further up there. until one night she started cramping really bad but no blood came out. he rushed her to the hospital, they found it, and they estimated it had been up there for about a month!! ewwwww!!

shit happens, so do lost condoms. i've been tested several times since then, and thankfully i didn't get anything. so it could have always been worse!