School picture day

Today was picture day at my daughter's school. So of course, last night I searched through her huge closet looking for the perfect dress fit for a young "princess", the perfect accessories and earrings, and the perfect shade of lip gloss for a 1st grader - all this after I had already rolled her butt-length hair into the perfect style.

When we get to the school, all the other kids have on jeans, sneakers, plaid shirts, denim shorts and t-shirts, etc. Since when has picture day been dress down day? When I was a kid, ALL of my school pictures were taken in whatever dress my mom bought me the easter before. I always got MY butt-length hair done (press & curl - remember those??), and couldn't play outside and had to sleep in less pj's because I might "sweat my hair out" and waste my momma's money.

Luckily my daughter is not one to feel overdressed. She's headstrong but mannerable; highly intelligent yet humble; and as her teacher put it, "very reserved". At this age, she really doesn't care what others think about her clothes, shoes, hair, etc. So that's less for me to have to work on until, of course, she becomes a teenager :)

School picture day used to be such a big deal. What happened?? Maybe I'm getting old, or just old fashioned....

I am not perfect...

OK, ok, I know I've been saying that I was gonna start this blog for the longest time. Everyone keeps asking to know more about me. So I guess this entry will have to suffice for now. It's been something that's been on my mind for some time, so maybe letting it out will help me move on.

I have come come to the realization that I am not perfect.

And no, I'm not conceited, nor did I think I was above God, or anything like that....let me explain.

Growing up, I was always a straight-A student. I started school early at age 4, skipped 4th grade entirely, and by the time I finished 8th grade, I was only 12 years old. My mom used to pay my brother and I for our grades: $1.00 for A's and .50 cents for B's. Every grading period (4 per year), I would EASILY have $20 - $30 bucks - while my brother would haggle my mom to pay .25 cents for his C's.

The only bad grade (a "C") I ever received was in penmanship, and I was excused by my mom because I was going to be a doctor...and as she always said "doctors can't write anyway". She still paid me a quarter for that too - LOL!!

So I went to high school (at age 12) and again, it was really no contest. However, this time there were more classes, and I had on average $40 bucks per grading cycle. I even worked at a local supermarket and was a cheerleader for two sports (football and basketball) and STILL managed to bring home good grades.

I was accepted to every college I applied to, but I decided I wanted to attend an HBCU. I chose Howard because of it's reputation, My mother chose Howard because I had an older cousin who was already there, and i guess it was her way of keeping an eye on me - lol!!

But I had already decided to chill and enjoy life a little.

• Being at Howard University,
  
• in DC,
  
• away from home (and super-controlling moms), and
  
• being 16 years old WITH A COLLEGE ID,
  

I chilled really hard...aw, man - those were the days. If you remember the Ritz downtown DC in the early 90's then you saw my *ss up in there every Sunday night - LOL!! I may have to blog some of those days...but I digress...I did eventually graduate, but definitely not in 4 years - lol!!

After HU, I found a very nicely paying job at a Fortune 500 company, so I worked and chilled some more. But in the back of my mind, something was missing. I knew that this wasn't my final destination, so, I decided to get down to business of getting into medical school...because with those chillin' years (and grades) at HU, I wasn't going anywhere.

I went back to school at USC (south carolina, not cali) and obtained another 4 year degree - I graduated with honors, got scholarships & grants, etc., in less than two years. Remember also, that I am a single mom. My daughter was a year old when I went back and almost three when I graduated - which made this feat even MORE remarkable.

So then I get into med school, and believe me, med school was no joke. But it wasn't impossible. Even as a single mom.

Note: Now, for those who don't know, Medical School is a 4 year program broken up into two parts - Basic Sciences and Clinical Sciences. Basic Sciences is the book work, while Clinical Sciences is the "hands on" work, where you are examining, diagnosing, and treating patients.

While people are failing Basic Sciences classes all around me, I am holding my own. I was even selected to be a Teaching Assistant in the Anatomy Department, which meant I had to volunteer my time to tutor others while still keeping up with my own work.

So between Basic and Clinical Sciences is this little itty bitty test called the USMLE - United Stated Medical Licensing Exam Step one. It's computerized, so everyone's test is completely unique. You could get the same topics as your neighbor, or the two of you could have nothing in common for the entire exam.

Cost? $685.00

Time? All day exam meaning 8am -5pm

Additional cost(s)? Hotel*, gas, etc...approx $100.00
*I live in the boonies in SC, and the closest test location was Columbia, so I overnighted there so I wouldn't be late.

Soooooooo, I took my Step one exam in June, and I felt it wasn't bad...yeah it was challenging, but not that bad. I spoke with a few classmates about their experiences, and everyone else said "oh my gosh it was so hard". So I just KNEW I had done well, hell I thought I had blown the test out of the water.

Then my scores came back...and guess what??



(~~dramatic suspense~~)





Not only did I fail that sh*t, but I failed it by FOUR points - the value of ONE question!!! I think that the four points/one test question hurt more than failing the exam outright by like 100 points. But you know what? I had that sh*t coming - BIG time - for years. Sometimes people gas you up so much (or even we do it to ourselves) that when you fall, it really hurts.


Do I blame myself? Nah. At least I did my best. Remember I had to study around the time when my daughter was out of school for the summer. I felt it wasn't fair to take her summer vacation away from her so I had to adjust my schedule. I got up at 5 am, studied until she woke up, did whatever we were gonna do that day, took my nap on the couch, put her to bed and then studied until midnight.


Am I pissed? not, really...well, yeah i am. I'm pissed that i got up at 5 am and studying in the damn dark and still failed!! One thing about me, I LOVE to sleep - yeah, yeah, I know I'm in med school and not supposed to be able to sleep, but I got 8 hours sleep EVERY NIGHT, and slept in on the weekends while in school. My motto was "Study hard and study smart - don't study long". I am also a little pissed because now I'm stuck in small town, SC studying again and I was soooo ready to move on. But I guess it's just not time yet.


So what happens now? I just take the test again - but I did have to pay another $685 out of pocket, which really sucked.


Will I still graduate on time? As long as I don't fail this next Step one exam in October. If I fail this one, I am put back a year and won't graduate until 2008, and that will mess up all of my screennames and e-mails all over the place - LOL!!


And yes, even after that crushing blow to my ego, I still have my quirky sense of humor that all my friends love about me :)~


Until next time.....while I lick my wounds and picking up my books again!!



p.s. all those friends who thought the test was "so hard" - they failed it too...but they weren't as close as I was. but hell, what's that stupid saying about being close? i think it's "close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades"