Been gone too long

I have been away from my blog for far too long. I guess I really don't have any excuse for it.

There has been a lot of shit that has happened in the past year since I've written. It's gonna take some time to explain it all, so I'll have to do it over a period of time.

When I last wrote, I was living at home due to an illness. I ended up having to have "exploratory" surgery (meaning that they have no fuckin' idea what's going on, but they're gonna cut you up and take a look). It was this illness/surgery that required me to take a leave of absence from Medical School.

Unfortunately, I just never went back to school.

I know, I know, I'm a stupid bitch. Who leaves Medical School on GOOD terms and doesn't go back. Of course now, most of my friends graduated in June of 2007 (hence my screen name...I was supposed to graduate WITH them), and are all in residency. I'm the fuckin' dummy who is just working as a teacher.

Don't get me wrong, teaching is a very rewarding career. My bills are paid, I'm no longer living at home, and I even have money in the bank. But I am only 1 1/2 years away from being a doctor.

Besides the fact that kids these days are not the kids that we were when we were growing up. I teach middle school (6th-8th grade) and so far I have had TWO pregnant students. They sing sexually charged lyrics like that new song "Bed" by J. Holliday. They all have Razr phones and some even have tattoos. They are rude as hell, and every day I get into a shouting match with one of them. I have to act like a str8-BITCH to get any respect from them. But for some reason, they do respect me. My guess is they don't get much discipline at home, and when I put them in line, then they like me. Weird logic, I know!! But by the end of the day, I am just physically drained!

All of this bullshit, and I could have been a fuckin' DOCTOR by now!! I feel so stupid right now I could kick my OWN ass.

So of course, there's the situation of my best guy friend, and the boyfriend MJ, that needs to be addressed.

Best guy friend (BGF) and I are still not on good terms since he tried to tell me what I could do and could not with my own pussy. If we see each other in passing, we speak. But that is about it. I see his teenage kids all the time, and they do not speak. It's sad because we used to be so close. But I guess that is life. Sometimes people grow apart....even as friends.

After 2 1/2years, MJ and I are no more. We broke up last week. It was definitely for the best. It's hard to describe it, but I feel like he just wasn't as supportive as he could have been. He never really encouraged me to follow my dreams or go back to school.

He is/was (or whatever because he still exists, even though WE don't as a couple) very complacent. The way he lives is just peachy-keen with him. He has no ambitions, no dreams, no drive (and a small dick to boot - ha ha!) He was born in Smalltown, lives in Smalltown, and will probably die in Smalltown. Fuck THAT!

There are no opportunities here. No colleges, no trade schools, no industries, nada. Just a bunch of people who get off on fucking each other and other peoples' men, women, or both. I just stayed to myself and MJ and I didn't really socialize with anyone because I don't get down like that.

I just know that I need to start making plans to move. There's nothing here in Smalltown for me. I want to go to Atlanta so I can go back to Med School. Since I never went back to my school, they pretty much "administratively" dismissed me. So transferring to another school shouldn't be a problem. My grades were decent and I don't owe them any money or anything like that.

One of my homegirls from HU lives in the ATL, and she loves it. So we'll see if it will be right for me. Besides, there are several Med Schools and plenty of hospitals for me to do my thang.

I'll discuss the gritty MJ break-up details later. It's still a little painful, but every day it gets a little easier. Another few weeks, and I'll be laughing about it - lol!!

the "M" word

me and the bf are still together. things are still going good, almost too good. i somehow keep expecting something to go wrong...but nothing yet.

to recap:

we've known each other for 10+ years since he lives next door to my cousins

we've been talking, speaking, hooking up, dealing with each other (whatever you wanna call it) since last July

we've been in a relationship since last November

we're even doing the total monogamy thing



all the sudden, here came the "M" word:




he asked me if i wanted to



MOVE IN TOGETHER!!!


i bet y'all thought it was the other "M" word - lol!! we've talked about that too, but nothing concrete.

at first he asked if i wanted to move in his place and he would ask his aunt to move out. i told him i didn't feel comfortable with that. can't just uproot the lady like that...she's been in that house since before he was born.

then he suggested we just move away from Smalltown for good and get a place together.

y'all, i really don't know. there's always that "what if" factor in relationships when two people move in together. besides it would be three, with my daughter.

i really want to do it, but "what if" something happens that i don't want to expose her to??

i'm not really an "advice" listening-to person if that makes sense. as usual, y'all's comments are always appreciated :)

i have had ENOUGH!!

i subbed last week for a third grade teacher. so these kids are what....9-10 years old? something like that. anyway, i have subbed for this teacher before, and had problems with two of the young men in that class. one young man was even sent home by the principal for his rude behavior.

THIS time however, i had to have FOUR young men sent home. y'all, they were so BAD!! one of them argued with me, another one hollered at me like he was MY father.

i lost my cool with that one, because i was hollering right back at him...i REALLY had to resist the urge to choke the SHIT outta him!! the principal was already in his way for another student when i ended up locking "hollering boy" outside the classroom. when the principal came, he asked why HB was outside. as i retold the story, HB started hollering again that he didn't care and i was lying. the principal reminded HB that he was talking to me and i wasn't talking to him. then he went ahead and took HB to the office.

at the end of the day, i was so spent, i said that was IT. the other teachers said they know HB well...ok, that kind of behavior is UNacceptable!! send him to one of those reform/military schools. i bet his ass will stop hollering at people.

"God was trying to tell me something" - definitely that day. i need to study and get my behind back in school. i'm just being lazy and i need to stop it. pretty soon, i really might choke someone's kid and get arrested...you'll see me on the news and how people "would never think Angie was like that" - LOL!!

man yelling at cats video

do any of you out there watch web junk on vh1? i usually don't, just because it looked like a corny show. but i was watching the finale of celebrity fit club, and web junk just happened to come on next (and i couldn't find the remote).

anyway, the premise of the show is that they show clips that people have submitted to ifilm.com from all around the world. the one clip that had me laughing to tears was the one called "man yelling at cats".

at no time during the clip does the man harm, injure, or do any damage to the cats....so don't call PETA or ASPCA. but usually cats are so docile that you would think the cats ignore him. when you watch it, it even sounds like the man is laughing once the black cat goes outside. now, people are all upset, the clip has been taken off the vh1 website, blah blah blah.

anyway, here is the link for the "man yelling at cats" film on the ifilms website...what do you think??

the final frontier...

my relationship with my bf is going well. we still spend our entire evenings together, and have been since the end of november. it's quite nice...

we are very comfortable with each other. when we go out, we feed each other and eat off each other's plates. we're always goofing and laughing. most couples look at us like we're silly. when we're at home (he calls his house "our home") we are exactly the same...laughing and goofing around.

there was just one little itty bitty, teensy weensy problem....(because there's ALWAYS a problem)

the problem is...i could never bring myself to take a shit at his house (there, i said it).

of course, when i'm out and about, i can drop a load ANYWHERE (the mall, Wal-Mart, grocery store). my bowels just aren't shy, IF no one i know is around. but with the bf, that's different.

i would always make sure i went before i got to his house, or just held it until i got back home. that was until the other day.

there was this horrible stomach virus that was going around smalltown. somehow, the kids at the school kept passing it around to the adults. luckily, it was only a 24 hour thing, but it wasn't pretty. the bf got it, but he doesn't have any kids (go figure??). so i got it from him.

that was the WORST 24 hours of my life. my stomach was doing somersaults. my colon was so loud, he could hear it without being close to me. finally he says, "why don't you just go to the bathroom, you'll feel better"

but i just knew he'd laugh at me and tell everyone how much i stank. so i held on...until i just couldn't hold it anymore.

by far, that was the best shit i've taken in a long time!!

true to form, he laughed at me. he also told his entire family how i "blew up" the house.

but at least i'm not shy about it anymore :)~

happy belated V-Day!!!

well, valentine's day is over and gone. and yes, i got some very nice gifts, like i had theorized earlier. but ya know, relationships take a lot of work. i guess since i haven't been in a relationship in a while (2001) i hadn't realized just how much work it takes to have a healthy relationship in the new millenium. besides, i have realized that i am really spoiled, and i have some issues about myself that i need to work on.

me and the bf are doing fine. we talked out all the monogamy issues and stuff. let me just state one thing for the record: when i told him about the non-monogamy thing, it was when we FIRST started talking/conversing back in july, not when we began dating or being a couple. since it was already out there, and i started liking him, i didn't know how to say, "ok i changed my mind, you can only sleep with me now". but we've gotten over that hurdle and are now a monogamous couple - YAY!!

so, then we ended up having a fight on monday night...yeah, i KNOW the night before the big day. he said something and i got pissed off and stormed out the house (his house) at 3:00 am and slammed the door. i think i was just overtired from staying up all night with him, then working (subbing) all day at school, then taking care of my daughter all afternoon.

he ended up chasing after me and asked me why i slammed the door and what i was mad at. i didn't answer. he tried to catch onto my clothes, but ended up catching my ponytail. he kept saying, "talk to me" but i was trying to pull away from him. then i realized i couldn't go too far because what he had a hold of was attached to my head. since we were both pulling in opposite directions, it began to hurt.

so in my sleep deprived mind, instead to actually TALKING to him (which is what he wanted) i decided the best way to get out of it was to push my head back in his direction to get the tension off my hair and scalp, and once there was slack, i could pull away. unfortunately at the very same time, he gave a huge tug and i ended up falling to the ground. HARD. on my coccyx (butt) bone. which really hurt. of course at 3 am on a frosty ground, it hurt even more.

so i started crying and he says "will you please come back in the house so we can talk about this" and as i look up at him, he's crying too.

AWWWWWW!!!!

i must have cried for about an hour and slobbered all over his sweatshirt. he just held me and told me it would be ok, and for me to calm down. he said he was sorry for hurting me, and i said sorry for slamming the door. and that was all that needed to be said i guess.

when i left that morning at 6 am to get ready for my day, i left him a valentine present on his dresser. he specifically asked for a pic of me, and i am picky about pics i give out 'cause people will be looking at them, so they have to look good. i went to glamour shots and had some really nice ones and i put it in a frame that said "i love you" on it.

so i was kinda worried about how the rest of valentine's day was gonna go, but i had already bought his gifts. i spoke to him that evening, and everything was good to go.

when i got to his house, he opened his gifts first. i bought him a case of his favorite yogurt, 2 dozen krispy kreme donuts (his favorite) and a carmelo anthony jersey. he was so excited. then he tells me that i had to close my eyes. he led me back to the bedroom, where soft music was playing (jahiem i think). the entire room was lit up by candlelight, but not just any candle. it was one of those things where you put a tealight in the bottom and some melting stuff on the top. but this one was different, because it was made of stained glass and the whole room was different colors. it was so pretty!!

on the bed were TWO boxes of candy. one huge red one, and one pretty pink box. there was also a bag from my favorite store - Vickie's, filled with all different lotions, shower gels and sprays. finally he also bought me a bouquet of pink and red roses.

on top of all that, he even took the time to pick out a nice card!

so, we are trying to do this relationship thing and make it work. we'll just have to take it one step at a time and see how it goes...

i hope you all had a very HAPPY VALENTINE'S Day!!

further info on my pissed-ness...

ok, so after reading the comments from my last post (about being pissed off), i realized i have to fill in some more details.

i still hate other peoples kids - that hasn't changed. i stopped answering my phone in the mornings for last minute calls. if i KNOW in advance that i have to sub, then i can mentally prepare myself. so it's not that bad...

so the bf thing....

the night he had to "run an errand" at 11 pm:

i don't remember which night it was, but it was just before the superbowl. when i called, his older aunt answered the phone. she told me that he had to go out, but that he said it was OK for me to come ahead over and wait on him to come back. so of course i went.

i had to see how he was dressed, and his body language seeing me there, etc. once he returned from whatever he was doing. when i got there, i noticed that his stereo system was sitting on the front porch. which i thought was a little odd. the aunt and i chit-chatted until he got there.

he came in carrying some component of a stereo (amplifier, tweeter, woofer, some shit i dunno). he put in in the place in the entertainment center in the living room and started playing the new
Keyshia Cole CD (which was hot).

the other shadiness:

within the next two days after the stereo incident, he wanted to go out with the fellas, which i thought was odd because he's one of those people who keeps to himself.

but when we first began talking, i told him in advance that i don't plan on practicing monogamy until i get married. so if he felt the same, i just asked him not to mess with anyone is Smalltown (and i would do the same) as long as we also both agreed to use condoms ALL THE TIME. Smalltown is just too small and it was more of a respect thing. he agreed, but he's just always been home. now all the sudden he wanted to go out.

so i told him to go ahead and have a good time and to call me when he got home. which he didn't. which pissed me off. but did i really have a right to be be pissed? i told him to go and at least he ASKED before we went and not just disappeared.

we sat down after the superbowl and talked about everything. after i wrote about being pissed i called him - and to my surprise, he was at home...he never even went to the superbowl party (which is what i thought). he said he didn't go because once i told him i couldn't go, he wasn't going without me.

about the stereo thing - he said something happened to his stereo and he wanted to try to use the (whatever he got) to see if it would still play cd's with his DVD player . he always tries to play music at night so his older aunt can get some sleep while we are in the back of the house going at it. but somehow i always wake her up...but i digress...

he said when i called him that morning, i said something mean to him. in all honesty, i can NEVER remember what i say . i can only remember what someone says back to me. probably cause when i talk i'm not listening to what i'm saying. i'm just talking. so he repeated what i said, and it was kinda mean (something to the effect of if he had gotten in at a decent hour he wouldn't be so tired and he would be able to talk to me). but hell, I TOLD HIM to go out. if i didn't want him to go out, i shoulda said something.

he never told me what he did when he went out, and i never asked. i do know that he was very apologetic in bed on sunday and monday. he kept saying he was sorry for what he did, even while eating my pussy i kept hearing him mumble "i'm so sorry baby". the pussy eating still isn't every day, so i guess it was an extra treat for him being sorry.

truth be told, i'm not cold hearted. i can't just dump a guy on the drop of a dime like some people (steph - lol!!). no offense steph, you are still my girl, but i'm just not that hardcore.

i would rather have a guy go out and do whatever and then realize what he has at home and come back to it. i ain't gonna let it happen all the time, but we are just passing the 6 month mark in our relationship, so it's still fairly new to both of us.

most importantly - let us remember that valentine's day is NEXT tuesday. i know i got really nice christmas gifts and we had a great new year's. if he's THIS sorry about what he did, then i should rack up like a welfare mother on the first of the month!!